The Triumph Dolomite Club - Discussion Forum

The Number One Club for owners of Triumph's range of small saloons from the 1960s and 1970s.
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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Fri Nov 30, 2018 2:42 pm 
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TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 520
Location: NANTWICH.
I downloaded a copy of the new Bohemian Rhapsody movie, but I think it was filmed in a cinema. I can't make out what's going on, I just see a little silhouetto of a man

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Fri Nov 30, 2018 10:32 pm 
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Joined: Sat Oct 21, 2017 2:54 pm
Posts: 88
A deaf man had ground breaking ear transplants from a pig. His wife went to visit him in hospital following the operation and asked him if he could hear properly. 'Well, one is fine, but there is a bit of crackling in the other'.


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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Sat Dec 01, 2018 12:25 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jan 07, 2014 6:01 pm
Posts: 133
Location: North Worcestershire
Man picked up a prostitute and asked how much as he was a bit kinky. She said normally £25, but since he wanted kinky sex it would be £50 and he asked if she minded and she said she had been in the business a long time and nothing surprised her.
So they went back to her flat and got undressed, she got on the bed and he said 'can we have the light off' and switched it off. She lay there in the dark waiting, but nothing but a bit of rustling and groaning, then the light went back on and he was nearly dressed. She said 'whats your game?', he said 'I told you I was kinky', she said 'but you have done nothing' and he said 'yes I have, I've sh-t in your handbag!'
Sorry, crap joke.......

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Mon Dec 03, 2018 10:13 am 
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Joined: Sat Oct 21, 2017 2:54 pm
Posts: 88
I was at a local bar when a woman at a table a few feet away from me sneezed and her glass eye came out and I caught it. I handed it back to her and she popped it in and said thank you. She was a beautiful woman. Gorgeous face stunning body and a beautiful smile to boot. The woman of my dreams right in front of me. A few moments pass by and she comes up to me and asks for my number and I looked around the room. Surely she must’ve been mistaken. I said “ who me?!!!?” She said “yes of course you. I don’t usually do this kind of thing but you just sort of caught my eye.”


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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2018 1:55 pm 
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TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 520
Location: NANTWICH.
My new Thai girlfriend say's having a small penis should'nt be a problem in a loving relationship.......

But i still wish she did'nt have one....................

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Fri Dec 07, 2018 3:27 pm 
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TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 520
Location: NANTWICH.
Sorry ladies :wink: :wink:

My wife came down the stairs wearing a power-suit tonight. I asked her where she was going dressed like that ? "I'm going to my first women's empowerment meeting," she sneered at me, "Or as you would call us, the Feminazis..... I won't be stopped by you or anything, and I'm going to show I'm every bit as equal if not superior to men !" "Oh, ok," I said disinterestedly, "Let me know how it was when you get back." 30 minutes later she came back through the front door looking exhausted. "Oh, it's over already ?" I asked. "No," she said, "Darling, would you please reverse the car out of the drive for me."

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Fri Dec 07, 2018 9:15 pm 
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Joined: Sat Oct 21, 2017 2:54 pm
Posts: 88
A young man called Chris from London wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend. They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived in Scotland. Chris consulted with his sister and decided, after careful consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note... not too romantic and not too personal. Off he went with his sister to Harrods and they selected a dainty pair of fur lined quality leather gloves. His sister bought a pair of sexy knickers for herself at the same time. Harrods had a free gift wrap offer but the assistant mixed up the two items, the sister got the gloves and Chris unknowingly got the knickers. Good old Chris sent off his gift wrapped present in a parcel with the following letter.
Dear Maggie,
I chose these because I've noticed that you are not wearing any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones (which are easier to remove). These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and I hardly noticed any marks. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even though they were a little bit tight on her. She also said that they rub against her ring which helps keep it clean. In fact she hasn't needed to wash it since she began wearing them.
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again.
When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because they will be naturally a little damp from wearing.
Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year.
I hope you will wear them for me on our next date.
All my love,
Chris
P.S. My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down with a little bit of fur showing


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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Fri Dec 07, 2018 10:10 pm 
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TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 520
Location: NANTWICH.
Excellent Steve...... :lol: :lol: :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Sat Dec 08, 2018 10:14 pm 
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Joined: Mon Dec 12, 2016 9:53 pm
Posts: 603
Location: Harrow Middlesex
Quote:
A young man called Chris from London wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend. They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived in Scotland. Chris consulted with his sister and decided, after careful consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note... not too romantic and not too personal. Off he went with his sister to Harrods and they selected a dainty pair of fur lined quality leather gloves. His sister bought a pair of sexy knickers for herself at the same time. Harrods had a free gift wrap offer but the assistant mixed up the two items, the sister got the gloves and Chris unknowingly got the knickers. Good old Chris sent off his gift wrapped present in a parcel with the following letter.
Dear Maggie,
I chose these because I've noticed that you are not wearing any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones (which are easier to remove). These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and I hardly noticed any marks. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even though they were a little bit tight on her. She also said that they rub against her ring which helps keep it clean. In fact she hasn't needed to wash it since she began wearing them.
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again.
When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because they will be naturally a little damp from wearing.
Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year.
I hope you will wear them for me on our next date.
All my love,
Chris
P.S. My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down with a little bit of fur showing
:D :D


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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Sat Dec 08, 2018 10:14 pm 
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TDC Member

Joined: Mon Dec 12, 2016 9:53 pm
Posts: 603
Location: Harrow Middlesex
Quote:
My new Thai girlfriend say's having a small penis should'nt be a problem in a loving relationship.......

But i still wish she did'nt have one....................
:D :D :D


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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Tue Dec 11, 2018 7:12 pm 
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TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 520
Location: NANTWICH.
Went Christmas shopping this morning, Got pushed around, fondled, pinched, rubbed against, stepped on. Enjoyed it so much I'm going back tomorrow.

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