The Triumph Dolomite Club - Discussion Forum

The Number One Club for owners of Triumph's range of small saloons from the 1960s and 1970s.
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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Mon Oct 15, 2018 11:03 am 
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TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 485
Location: NANTWICH.
I just applied for a job in the Citroen factory.

I had to send in 2CVs.

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Mon Oct 15, 2018 12:02 pm 
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TDC West Yorks Area Organiser
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Joined: Tue Oct 03, 2006 4:52 pm
Posts: 7571
Location: Halifax, West Yorkshire
A man goes to his doctor about his premature ejaculation. The doctor suggests that next time he's making love to his wife, he should make a sudden noise so that the fright will stop him in his tracks. Later on the man buys himself a starting pistol and keeps it at the side of the bed.
That night the man and his wife start to make love. They get into the "69" position and before long the man feels himself about to ejaculate so he grabs the starting pistol and pulls the trigger.
The next day, he's back at the doctor's.
"Doc, things are much worse. The wife p*ssed in my face, she bit my c*ck off and the next door neighbour came out of the wardrobe with his hands up."

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Toledo Man

West Yorkshire Area Organiser & forum moderator
Meetings take place on the 1st Wednesday of every month at The Hollies Sports & Social Club, 12 Hough Lane, Bramley, Leeds, LS13 3NE
1972 Dolomite 1850 auto (NYE 751L - The rolling restoration)
2008 Citroën C4 Grand Picasso 2.0 HDi Exclusive (MA08 WCL - the modern)
2004 Volkswagen Polo Twist (PK54 JYG - a new project car)
Former stable of SAY 414M (1974 Toledo), GRH 244D (1966 1300fwd), CDB 324L (1973 1500fwd), GGN 573J (1971 1500fwd), DCP 625S (1977 Dolomite 1300) & LCG 367N (1975 Dolomite Sprint) plus 5 Acclaims and that's just the Triumphs!

Check my blog at http://triumphtoledo.blogspot.com

"There is only one way to avoid criticsm: do nothing, say nothing and be nothing." Aristotle


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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Mon Oct 15, 2018 7:25 pm 
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Joined: Wed Nov 25, 2009 9:55 pm
Posts: 515
Location: Coventry and beyond.........
I went to the gym today and spotted a hole in my trainer that was big enough to get my finger in.

Unfortunately, she wasn’t amused and now I’ve got to go to court next Thursday.

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***I'd rather ask for forgiveness after than seek permission before!!***
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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2018 8:59 am 
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TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 485
Location: NANTWICH.
An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "So, you've been out drinking again!" "What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on an innocent look. "The pub called -- you left your wheelchair there again."

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2018 9:00 am 
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TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 485
Location: NANTWICH.
A man in Melbourne walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of cabbage. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of cabbage. The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter. Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some old b'stard outside wants to buy half a head of cabbage." As he finished his sentence, he turned around to find that the man had followed and was standing right behind him, so the boy quickly added, "and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half." The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later, the manager said to the boy........... "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier, we like people who can think on their feet here, where are you from son?" "New Zealand, sir," the boy replied. Why did you leave New Zealand ?" the manager asked. The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but prostitutes and rugby players there." "Is that right?" replied the manager, "My wife is from New Zealand!" "Really?" replied the boy, "Who did she play for?"

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2018 9:02 am 
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TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 485
Location: NANTWICH.
Quote:
I went to the gym today and spotted a hole in my trainer that was big enough to get my finger in.

Unfortunately, she wasn’t amused and now I’ve got to go to court next Thursday.
:lol: :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2018 11:50 am 
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TDC West Mids Area Organiser
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Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2006 12:13 pm
Posts: 11980
Location: Over here...can't you see me?
I originally intended to train to be an archeologist....but I didn't want my career to end in ruins


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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2018 4:26 pm 
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TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 485
Location: NANTWICH.
Dont tell the mrs...........


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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2018 6:01 pm 
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Joined: Sat Oct 07, 2006 7:12 pm
Posts: 592
Location: Surrey
Dad joke warning:


What is the difference between a mouldy lettuce and a C+W song about a dead dog?

One is a bad salad whereas the other is a sad ballad.

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Karl-less

1500 MG Midget
Absence of a Dolly or Tolly at the moment.


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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2018 10:36 pm 
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Joined: Sun Aug 14, 2011 2:47 am
Posts: 336
Location: NSW. Australia
WWII was over and God called Stalin, Roosevelt and Churchill together to thank them for their efforts in stopping the Nazis and getting rid of Hitler. He/She told them that as a reward they could have one wish each.

He/She asked Stalin, "What would you like"?
Stalin quickly answered, "Kill all the Americans"

He/She then asked Roosevelt, who answered, "Kill all the Russians"

"OK then", "So what about you Mr. Churchill? What is your one wish?
Churchill answered, "I'll have a double Scotch, but serve the others first"

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"Little difficulties are made to swell until they fill our horizon, while the real big blessings of life are dwindled down to nothing".. HENRY FORD
1915 Ford "T" Speedster (Evangeline), 1921 Ford "T" Tourer (Anastasia), 1955 Zephyr 6 (Purdey), 1975 Dolomite SPRINT (Daisy), & a couple of moderns.
Member #2018011


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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2018 11:22 pm 
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Joined: Sun Aug 14, 2011 2:47 am
Posts: 336
Location: NSW. Australia
"Found it"


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_________________
"Little difficulties are made to swell until they fill our horizon, while the real big blessings of life are dwindled down to nothing".. HENRY FORD
1915 Ford "T" Speedster (Evangeline), 1921 Ford "T" Tourer (Anastasia), 1955 Zephyr 6 (Purdey), 1975 Dolomite SPRINT (Daisy), & a couple of moderns.
Member #2018011
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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Wed Oct 17, 2018 5:39 am 
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TDC West Yorks Area Organiser
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Joined: Tue Oct 03, 2006 4:52 pm
Posts: 7571
Location: Halifax, West Yorkshire
FOR SALE: German Shepherd. Eats anything, especially fond of children.

_________________
Toledo Man

West Yorkshire Area Organiser & forum moderator
Meetings take place on the 1st Wednesday of every month at The Hollies Sports & Social Club, 12 Hough Lane, Bramley, Leeds, LS13 3NE
1972 Dolomite 1850 auto (NYE 751L - The rolling restoration)
2008 Citroën C4 Grand Picasso 2.0 HDi Exclusive (MA08 WCL - the modern)
2004 Volkswagen Polo Twist (PK54 JYG - a new project car)
Former stable of SAY 414M (1974 Toledo), GRH 244D (1966 1300fwd), CDB 324L (1973 1500fwd), GGN 573J (1971 1500fwd), DCP 625S (1977 Dolomite 1300) & LCG 367N (1975 Dolomite Sprint) plus 5 Acclaims and that's just the Triumphs!

Check my blog at http://triumphtoledo.blogspot.com

"There is only one way to avoid criticsm: do nothing, say nothing and be nothing." Aristotle


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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Wed Oct 17, 2018 6:36 am 
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Joined: Thu Oct 06, 2011 12:13 am
Posts: 2554
Location: The continent
Dave, can you move your post to the sales and wants section?

Jeroen

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Wed Oct 17, 2018 1:21 pm 
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TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 485
Location: NANTWICH.
I asked my Gran how she liked her new stair lift. "It's driving me up the bloody wall", she said.

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Wed Oct 17, 2018 5:33 pm 
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Joined: Sat Oct 07, 2006 7:12 pm
Posts: 592
Location: Surrey
A policeman arrested 2 boys yesterday, one for possessing battery acid, the other fireworks.

They charged one and let the other one off.

_________________
Karl-less

1500 MG Midget
Absence of a Dolly or Tolly at the moment.


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