The Triumph Dolomite Club - Discussion Forum

The Number One Club for owners of Triumph's range of small saloons from the 1960s and 1970s.
It is currently Mon Jan 21, 2019 12:10 pm

All times are UTC




Post new topic  Reply to topic  [ 124 posts ]  Go to page Previous 15 6 7 8 9 Next
Author Message
 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Fri Nov 30, 2018 2:42 pm 
Offline
TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 561
Location: NANTWICH.
I downloaded a copy of the new Bohemian Rhapsody movie, but I think it was filmed in a cinema. I can't make out what's going on, I just see a little silhouetto of a man

_________________
NOW A CLUB MEMBER 2017057 :bluewave:


Top
   
 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Fri Nov 30, 2018 10:32 pm 
Offline
TDC Member

Joined: Sat Oct 21, 2017 2:54 pm
Posts: 90
A deaf man had ground breaking ear transplants from a pig. His wife went to visit him in hospital following the operation and asked him if he could hear properly. 'Well, one is fine, but there is a bit of crackling in the other'.


Top
   
 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Sat Dec 01, 2018 12:25 pm 
Offline
TDC Member
User avatar

Joined: Tue Jan 07, 2014 6:01 pm
Posts: 133
Location: North Worcestershire
Man picked up a prostitute and asked how much as he was a bit kinky. She said normally £25, but since he wanted kinky sex it would be £50 and he asked if she minded and she said she had been in the business a long time and nothing surprised her.
So they went back to her flat and got undressed, she got on the bed and he said 'can we have the light off' and switched it off. She lay there in the dark waiting, but nothing but a bit of rustling and groaning, then the light went back on and he was nearly dressed. She said 'whats your game?', he said 'I told you I was kinky', she said 'but you have done nothing' and he said 'yes I have, I've sh-t in your handbag!'
Sorry, crap joke.......

_________________
Triumph 1300
MGB GT
Avensis


Top
   
 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Mon Dec 03, 2018 10:13 am 
Offline
TDC Member

Joined: Sat Oct 21, 2017 2:54 pm
Posts: 90
I was at a local bar when a woman at a table a few feet away from me sneezed and her glass eye came out and I caught it. I handed it back to her and she popped it in and said thank you. She was a beautiful woman. Gorgeous face stunning body and a beautiful smile to boot. The woman of my dreams right in front of me. A few moments pass by and she comes up to me and asks for my number and I looked around the room. Surely she must’ve been mistaken. I said “ who me?!!!?” She said “yes of course you. I don’t usually do this kind of thing but you just sort of caught my eye.”


Top
   
 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2018 1:55 pm 
Offline
TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 561
Location: NANTWICH.
My new Thai girlfriend say's having a small penis should'nt be a problem in a loving relationship.......

But i still wish she did'nt have one....................

_________________
NOW A CLUB MEMBER 2017057 :bluewave:


Top
   
 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Fri Dec 07, 2018 3:27 pm 
Offline
TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 561
Location: NANTWICH.
Sorry ladies :wink: :wink:

My wife came down the stairs wearing a power-suit tonight. I asked her where she was going dressed like that ? "I'm going to my first women's empowerment meeting," she sneered at me, "Or as you would call us, the Feminazis..... I won't be stopped by you or anything, and I'm going to show I'm every bit as equal if not superior to men !" "Oh, ok," I said disinterestedly, "Let me know how it was when you get back." 30 minutes later she came back through the front door looking exhausted. "Oh, it's over already ?" I asked. "No," she said, "Darling, would you please reverse the car out of the drive for me."

_________________
NOW A CLUB MEMBER 2017057 :bluewave:


Top
   
 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Fri Dec 07, 2018 9:15 pm 
Offline
TDC Member

Joined: Sat Oct 21, 2017 2:54 pm
Posts: 90
A young man called Chris from London wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend. They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived in Scotland. Chris consulted with his sister and decided, after careful consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note... not too romantic and not too personal. Off he went with his sister to Harrods and they selected a dainty pair of fur lined quality leather gloves. His sister bought a pair of sexy knickers for herself at the same time. Harrods had a free gift wrap offer but the assistant mixed up the two items, the sister got the gloves and Chris unknowingly got the knickers. Good old Chris sent off his gift wrapped present in a parcel with the following letter.
Dear Maggie,
I chose these because I've noticed that you are not wearing any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones (which are easier to remove). These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and I hardly noticed any marks. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even though they were a little bit tight on her. She also said that they rub against her ring which helps keep it clean. In fact she hasn't needed to wash it since she began wearing them.
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again.
When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because they will be naturally a little damp from wearing.
Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year.
I hope you will wear them for me on our next date.
All my love,
Chris
P.S. My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down with a little bit of fur showing


Top
   
 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Fri Dec 07, 2018 10:10 pm 
Offline
TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 561
Location: NANTWICH.
Excellent Steve...... :lol: :lol: :lol:

_________________
NOW A CLUB MEMBER 2017057 :bluewave:


Top
   
 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Sat Dec 08, 2018 10:14 pm 
Offline
TDC Member

Joined: Mon Dec 12, 2016 9:53 pm
Posts: 610
Location: Harrow Middlesex
Quote:
A young man called Chris from London wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend. They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived in Scotland. Chris consulted with his sister and decided, after careful consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note... not too romantic and not too personal. Off he went with his sister to Harrods and they selected a dainty pair of fur lined quality leather gloves. His sister bought a pair of sexy knickers for herself at the same time. Harrods had a free gift wrap offer but the assistant mixed up the two items, the sister got the gloves and Chris unknowingly got the knickers. Good old Chris sent off his gift wrapped present in a parcel with the following letter.
Dear Maggie,
I chose these because I've noticed that you are not wearing any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones (which are easier to remove). These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and I hardly noticed any marks. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even though they were a little bit tight on her. She also said that they rub against her ring which helps keep it clean. In fact she hasn't needed to wash it since she began wearing them.
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again.
When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because they will be naturally a little damp from wearing.
Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year.
I hope you will wear them for me on our next date.
All my love,
Chris
P.S. My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down with a little bit of fur showing
:D :D


Top
   
 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Sat Dec 08, 2018 10:14 pm 
Offline
TDC Member

Joined: Mon Dec 12, 2016 9:53 pm
Posts: 610
Location: Harrow Middlesex
Quote:
My new Thai girlfriend say's having a small penis should'nt be a problem in a loving relationship.......

But i still wish she did'nt have one....................
:D :D :D


Top
   
 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Tue Dec 11, 2018 7:12 pm 
Offline
TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 561
Location: NANTWICH.
Went Christmas shopping this morning, Got pushed around, fondled, pinched, rubbed against, stepped on. Enjoyed it so much I'm going back tomorrow.

_________________
NOW A CLUB MEMBER 2017057 :bluewave:


Top
   
 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Fri Dec 14, 2018 10:54 pm 
Offline
TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 561
Location: NANTWICH.
A man is ready to order in a top fish restaurant the kind where you pick your own still swimming about in the tank . He says "I fancy calamari and points to a squid swimming about . The waiter points out one and says "this one sir" The customer says" No the green one there " The waiter points to a green squid. The customer says "no no not that one the green one with the hairy moustache thing". The waiter points to two squid fighting . The customer says "no the green one calm in the corner with the moustache thing going on" The waiter says "you can't have that one we need him to do the washing up , he's our mild green furry lipped squid"

_________________
NOW A CLUB MEMBER 2017057 :bluewave:


Top
   
 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Mon Dec 17, 2018 2:14 pm 
Offline
TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 561
Location: NANTWICH.
An Englishman, an Irishman and a scotsman are working at the top of a tall building and the stopped to unpack their lunch. The English looks at his sandwiches and says "For fecksake, cheese and onion sandwiches..for the past twenty years all she has ever made me is cheese and onion sandwiches". The Scotsman says "Me too the past twenty years Ham and Mustard". The Irishman says "Aar jeezus for twenty years feckin'egg and cress". So they make a pact, if they get the same the next day they will commit suicide. The following day the Englishman gets the same so he throws himself off the building. The scotsman gets the same and throws himself off the building and the Irishman gets the same and he also throws himself off the building. After the funeral the Wives are talking. The English wife says" If George wanted a different filling for his sandwiches i would of given something instead of cheese and onion". The scots Wife says " Same here i would of done something different for Jock". The Irish wife says " I don't understand...Paddy always made his own sandwiches".

_________________
NOW A CLUB MEMBER 2017057 :bluewave:


Top
   
 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Tue Dec 18, 2018 2:40 pm 
Offline
TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 561
Location: NANTWICH.
man gets run over by a red lorry, then a yellow lorry, then a red lorry, then a yellow lorry

policeman informs family

"There's no easy way to say this"...

_________________
NOW A CLUB MEMBER 2017057 :bluewave:


Top
   
 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Sat Dec 22, 2018 7:25 pm 
Offline
TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 561
Location: NANTWICH.
A man, getting along in years, finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. Finally, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that said, he throws a white powder into a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. Then he says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say "123," and it shall rise for as long as you wish!" The man then asks, "What happens when it"s over, and I don"t want to continue?" The medicine man replies, "When your partner can take no more sex and is completely raddled, all she has to say is "1234", and it will then go down. But be warned, the pork sword will not rise again for another year." The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers. That night he showers, shaves and smothers himself in aftershave. He slides into bed, cuddles up to his wife, says "123" and suddenly he has the most gigantic stiffie ever, just as the medicine man promised. His wife turns over and asks, "What did you say "123" for?"

_________________
NOW A CLUB MEMBER 2017057 :bluewave:


Top
   
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic  Reply to topic  [ 124 posts ]  Go to page Previous 15 6 7 8 9 Next

All times are UTC


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 5 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Limited