The Triumph Dolomite Club - Discussion Forum

The Number One Club for owners of Triumph's range of small saloons from the 1960s and 1970s.
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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted:Wed Sep 22, 2021 4:24 pm 
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My wife got angry with me because I kept slipping golf references into our conversations.
I soon putter in her place.

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted:Thu Oct 07, 2021 2:50 pm 
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Just been to a friends funeral. He died after getting hit on the head by a tennis ball. . . . . . It was a lovely service!

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted:Tue Oct 12, 2021 9:43 am 
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I can’t quite believe I’ve been cured of my kleptomania. I have to keep pinching myself...

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted:Wed Oct 20, 2021 8:57 pm 
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The Scotsman was feeling a bit "crook" so he rang in to the boss at work and said weakly …

"Sorry I won't be in today , I have a wee cough "

His boss replied " You have a wee cough ! "

"Thank you very much" was the reply.

:-)


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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted:Sat Oct 23, 2021 2:01 pm 
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Quote:
The Scotsman was feeling a bit "crook" so he rang in to the boss at work and said weakly …

"Sorry I won't be in today , I have a wee cough "

His boss replied " You have a wee cough ! "

"Thank you very much" was the reply.

:-)
There's a better (or at least more Scottish) version of that joke...

Ten cows standing in a field. Which one's on holiday?

The one with the wee calf.


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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted:Sun Oct 24, 2021 11:22 am 
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My mates uncle has just been run over by a boat in Venice.

I've sent My gondolences.

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted:Fri Oct 29, 2021 11:29 am 
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A man walked into a pub. Barman asks " what can i get you sir ?" Man says " I may get a pint, you know, a lager, cider or bitter but then again I may get a short, you know, a whisky, vodka or rum, but then again I may get a cocktail, you know, a pina colada, bloody mary or a screwdriver. This conversation goes on a while. Barman says "It's getting busy sir have you come to a decision ?" Yes, says man. I'll bave a champagne and orange juice" So a bucks fizz then.

I thought i was going to be stood here all night waiting while you were MAKING YOUR MIND UP

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted:Wed Nov 10, 2021 10:37 am 
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When I was young, I wanted to work on a cruise ship; however, I am too old now , so I guess that ship has sailed.

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted:Wed Nov 10, 2021 12:00 pm 
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Once upon a time there lived a German named Hans. Each day, before work, he'd go fishing. Every fish he caught he would smack it on a rock to make sure it was dead. Then he went to work as a health visitor to local schools. His job was to cure teenagers with acne using milk. Hence the song... # Now hans who kills fishes can heal spots on a face with some white cream dairy liquid !!#

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted:Thu Nov 11, 2021 12:47 pm 
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A friend had his second dose of the vaccine at a vaccination centre and began to have blurred vision on the way home. When he got home he immediately called the people at the vaccination centre for advice and asked if he should go to a doctor or a hospital. He was told to NOT go to a doctor or a hospital, but to return to the vaccination centre and pick-up his glasses.

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted:Sun Nov 14, 2021 2:48 pm 
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The wife and I went to see a type of dance performance but the Russian participants were deliberately combative or uncooperative. That's the last time I take her to see the bolshie ballet.

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted:Fri Nov 26, 2021 2:37 pm 
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My mate was showing me around his new knock off version of a ferrari he had just bought. It had a ships wheel instead of a steering wheel, an anchor instead of a handbrake and a treasure map instead of a satnav.
It was a pirate copy.

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted:Thu Dec 02, 2021 10:50 am 
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t


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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted:Sun Dec 05, 2021 3:27 pm 
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I saw a young lad asking people if they'd seen any small spherical objects of coloured glass.
Watch out, I thought...
this kid's lost his marbles.

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