The Triumph Dolomite Club - Discussion Forum

The Number One Club for owners of Triumph's range of small saloons from the 1960s and 1970s.
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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Mon Apr 20, 2020 6:52 pm 
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Joined: Thu Oct 06, 2011 1:13 am
Posts: 3173
Location: The continent
So this is the British humor?

Jeroen

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Mon Apr 20, 2020 8:48 pm 
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Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 6:28 pm
Posts: 1405
Location: NANTWICH.
Quote:
So this is the British humor?

Jeroen
I'm afraid so Jeroen 8)

Tony.

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Mon Apr 20, 2020 10:02 pm 
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Joined: Tue Oct 03, 2006 5:52 pm
Posts: 7566
Location: Halifax, West Yorkshire
An old woman is at the doctor's for her annual check-up.
"How are you feeling in general?" asked the doctor.
"I'm fine doc aside from flatulence but it doesn't smell and you can't hear them. In fact I've farted 20 times while I've been here and you wouldn't have known."
The doctor just writes out a prescription and says "Take this and come back in a week"
A week later she's back.
"Doc, it is worse. My farts stink now."
"Now we've cleared up your sinuses, let's get to work on your hearing."

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Toledo Man

West Yorkshire Area Organiser & forum moderator
Meetings take place on the first Wednesday of the month at 8.00pm at The Old Brickworks, Wakefield Road, Drighlington, Bradford, BD11 1EA

1972 Dolomite 1850 auto (NYE 751L - Now for sale)
2003 Volvo XC90 D5 SE (PX53 OVZ - The daily driver)
2009 Mercedes-Benz W204 C200 CDI Sport (BJ58 NCV - The 2nd car)
1991 Toyota Celica GT (J481 ONB - another project car)
Former stable of SAY 414M (1974 Toledo), GRH 244D (1966 1300fwd), CDB 324L (1973 1500fwd), GGN 573J (1971 1500fwd), DCP 625S (1977 Dolomite 1300) & LCG 367N (1975 Dolomite Sprint) plus 5 Acclaims and that's just the Triumphs!

Check my blog at http://triumphtoledo.blogspot.com
My YouTube Channel with a bit of Dolomite content.

"There is only one way to avoid criticsm: Do nothing, say nothing and BE nothing." Aristotle


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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Tue Apr 21, 2020 11:04 am 
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TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 6:28 pm
Posts: 1405
Location: NANTWICH.
The oil price has turned negative, as the world's drilling companies are running out of places to store the stuff.

I hope no-one makes any crude jokes about this.

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Thu Apr 30, 2020 10:19 am 
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Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 6:28 pm
Posts: 1405
Location: NANTWICH.
If you want to save money this Christmas, now is the perfect time to tell the kids that Santa didn't make it through the pandemic.

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Fri May 01, 2020 10:55 am 
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TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 6:28 pm
Posts: 1405
Location: NANTWICH.
Patient, wearing a mask: "Nurse, can you check if my testicles are black?" Nurse: "Why would they be black?" Patient: "Please check if my testicles are black." Nurse: "OK, let's see . . . Well, your testicles look fine." Patient, removing his mask: "No, I said please check if my test results are back."

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Sun May 03, 2020 6:29 pm 
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Joined: Tue Oct 03, 2006 5:52 pm
Posts: 7566
Location: Halifax, West Yorkshire
A fella is leaving the psychiatric hospital after 20 years. The administrator asks him what he's going to do.
"I trained to be an electrician, I trained to be a plumber and I trained to be a joiner but I'm gonna be what I've always been. A teapot."

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Toledo Man

West Yorkshire Area Organiser & forum moderator
Meetings take place on the first Wednesday of the month at 8.00pm at The Old Brickworks, Wakefield Road, Drighlington, Bradford, BD11 1EA

1972 Dolomite 1850 auto (NYE 751L - Now for sale)
2003 Volvo XC90 D5 SE (PX53 OVZ - The daily driver)
2009 Mercedes-Benz W204 C200 CDI Sport (BJ58 NCV - The 2nd car)
1991 Toyota Celica GT (J481 ONB - another project car)
Former stable of SAY 414M (1974 Toledo), GRH 244D (1966 1300fwd), CDB 324L (1973 1500fwd), GGN 573J (1971 1500fwd), DCP 625S (1977 Dolomite 1300) & LCG 367N (1975 Dolomite Sprint) plus 5 Acclaims and that's just the Triumphs!

Check my blog at http://triumphtoledo.blogspot.com
My YouTube Channel with a bit of Dolomite content.

"There is only one way to avoid criticsm: Do nothing, say nothing and BE nothing." Aristotle


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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Sun May 03, 2020 9:11 pm 
Ham sandwich walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer. The landlord says, "sorry. We don't serve food here"


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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Tue May 05, 2020 10:44 am 
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TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 6:28 pm
Posts: 1405
Location: NANTWICH.
A feminist outfit has opened a funeral parlour for women only. It was the final male in the coffin.

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Tue May 05, 2020 1:56 pm 
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TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 6:28 pm
Posts: 1405
Location: NANTWICH.
Don't try this at home :lol: :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Wed May 06, 2020 12:40 pm 
I was recently in a park and witnessed this tramp having a huge argument with his girlfriend. Suddenly he poured meths over the bench and set it alight.

I yelled, "what are you doing?"

The tramp shouted back: "She can leave me if she wants but she's not getting the house"


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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Wed May 06, 2020 12:43 pm 
People have always told me that a relationship takes many sacrifices. So I went out and purchased a load of goats.


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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Thu May 07, 2020 12:10 pm 
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Future Club member hopefully!

Joined: Fri May 31, 2013 2:22 pm
Posts: 364
Murphy I robbed an art gallery last night and the cheapest picture was priced at £180,000.
Paddy that was an Estate Agents


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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Thu May 07, 2020 12:15 pm 
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Future Club member hopefully!

Joined: Fri May 31, 2013 2:22 pm
Posts: 364
I must loose weight, I've been told I look like a big African bird.
I'm sick of being ostracized.


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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Thu May 07, 2020 1:41 pm 
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Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 6:28 pm
Posts: 1405
Location: NANTWICH.
"Seamus?" "Yes, Paddy?" "You know how everyone's saying the price of fuel's gone down?" "Yes, Paddy." "And you know I normally put €40 in my tank." "Yes, Paddy." "Well, I've just put €40 in my tank and it wasn't any cheaper."


In the spirit of togetherness during this crisis I have set up a telephone line for Buddhists who want to remain close to their spiritual animal cousins as well as their spiritual leader. Dial-a-llama

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