The Triumph Dolomite Club - Discussion Forum

The Number One Club for owners of Triumph's range of small saloons from the 1960s and 1970s.
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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Wed Mar 18, 2020 2:33 pm 
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Joined: Fri May 31, 2013 1:22 pm
Posts: 338
Paddy calls his lawyer and asks him "Is it true that people are suing tobacco companies for causing cancer from smoking?"

"Yes Patrick, that is indeed true" replies the lawyer.

"Is it also true that a lady sued McDonald's for millions after burning her tongue while drinking the hot coffee she'd ordered?"

"Yes Patrick, that's also true" says the lawyer.

"And that somebody is suing a fast food restaurant for making them obese and suffering from clogged arteries due to all the burgers and fatty food they ate there?"

"Yes Patrick, but why are you asking all these questions?"

"Well I was just wondering....do you think I could sue Guinness for making me sleep with all those ugly women?"


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 Post subject: Re: Did I miss something
PostPosted: Wed Mar 18, 2020 3:39 pm 
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TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 1023
Location: NANTWICH.
Havn't heard about that, when did they go under?

Tony.

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Wed Mar 18, 2020 4:31 pm 
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Joined: Wed Nov 15, 2017 3:35 pm
Posts: 459
Location: Halifax, West Yorkshire
A friend in Germany tells me everyone’s panic buying sausages and cheese. It’s the Wurst Käse scenario.

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 Post subject: Re: Did I miss something
PostPosted: Thu Mar 19, 2020 12:33 pm 
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Joined: Fri May 31, 2013 1:22 pm
Posts: 338
I think it must have been this corona thingy did for them.


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 Post subject: Re: Did I miss something
PostPosted: Thu Mar 19, 2020 2:20 pm 
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Joined: Tue Oct 03, 2006 4:48 pm
Posts: 8105
Location: Winscombe, North Somerset, England
Quote:
Havn't heard about that, when did they go under?

Tony.
2008

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Sprintless for the first time in 35+ years. :boggle2:

2007 Porsche Boxster S


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Grammar:
The difference between knowing your sh#t and knowing you're sh#t.

Schedule: Pronounced "Shedule" not "Skedule"!


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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Fri Mar 20, 2020 11:07 am 
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TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 1023
Location: NANTWICH.
Let's take a moment to think of Philip Schofield.

The poor bugger only just came out and now he's being told he's got to stay in.

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Fri Mar 20, 2020 12:34 pm 
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Joined: Tue Oct 03, 2006 4:48 pm
Posts: 8105
Location: Winscombe, North Somerset, England
Quote:
Let's take a moment to think of Philip Schofield.

The poor bugger only just came out and now he's being told he's got to stay in.
:lol:

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Sprintless for the first time in 35+ years. :boggle2:

2007 Porsche Boxster S


Image

Grammar:
The difference between knowing your sh#t and knowing you're sh#t.

Schedule: Pronounced "Shedule" not "Skedule"!


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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Tue Mar 24, 2020 11:01 pm 
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Joined: Mon Aug 10, 2015 7:20 pm
Posts: 1308
Location: Huntingdon
Just read this appealing dad joke and I instantly knew where it belonged:

I said to my Mrs "Dig that nurses uniform out of the drawer love"
"Oh" she said "Kinky!"
"Stop messing about and put it on " I said, "We need some milk from the shops..."

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Current fleet: Triumph Dolomite Sprint '75, Daihatsu Fourtrak, Honda CG125, Yamaha Fazer 600, Shetland 570

Disposal fleet: Golf GTi 16v MK3 Anniversary

Past fleet: Triumph 2000, Lancia Beta Coupe, BL Mini Clubman, Austin Metro, Vauxhall Cavalier MK1 & MK2, Renault 18 D, Rover 216 GSI, Honda Accord (most expensive car purchase, hated it on pickup from dealer, was made out of magnetic metal as only car I've ever been crashed into, 4 times), Golf GTi MK3 16v x 3


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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Fri Mar 27, 2020 11:09 am 
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Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 1023
Location: NANTWICH.
Blimey, seems one of our neighbours was taken to hospital in the night with suspected Covid-19. I hear he’s been put on one of the new Dyson ventilators and is now picking up nicely...

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Fri Mar 27, 2020 2:10 pm 
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Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 1023
Location: NANTWICH.
I wouldn't want to be the first bloke to walk out of the chip shop when this is all over. A flock of starving seagulls will tear the poor b#gger to pieces.

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Mon Apr 06, 2020 11:24 am 
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Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 1023
Location: NANTWICH.
At an old people's home, it was time for the star of the show, Claude the Hypnotist! Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance. "Yes, each and every one of you and all at the same time" The chatter dropped to silence as Claude carefully withdrew, from his waistcoat pocket, a beautiful antique gold pocket watch and chain. "I want you to keep your eyes on my watch" said Claude, holding the watch high for all to see. "It's a very special and valuable watch that has been in my family for six generations" He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting,"Watch the watch...watch the watch...watch the watch" The audience became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth. The lights were twinkling as they were reflected from its gleaming surfaces. A hundred and fifty pairs of eyes followed the movements of the gently swaying watch. They were all hypnotized, then, suddenly, the chain broke!!! The beautiful watch fell to the stage and burst into a hundred pieces on impact. "SH#T," shouted Claude. It took them three days to completely clean up the Retirement Village and Claude was never invited back again.

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Fri Apr 10, 2020 6:42 pm 
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Joined: Tue Oct 03, 2006 4:52 pm
Posts: 7727
Location: Halifax, West Yorkshire
I was in the local Asda the other day and somebody asked me why I was in my work clothes. I told them I was a key worker.
"Why don't you work from home?"
"Have you tried driving a fork lift truck in a top floor flat?"

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Toledo Man

West Yorkshire Area Organiser & forum moderator
Meetings take place on the first Wednesday of the month at 8.00pm at The Old Brickworks, Wakefield Road, Drighlington, Bradford, BD11 1EA
1972 Dolomite 1850 auto (NYE 751L - Waiting for me to give it some love)
2008 Citroën C4 Grand Picasso 2.0 HDi Exclusive (MA08 WCL - the workhorse)
1995 BMW 318i (M265 PNC - Project Bimmer, the 2nd car)
1991 Toyota Celica GT (J481 ONB - the current project car)
Former stable of SAY 414M (1974 Toledo), GRH 244D (1966 1300fwd), CDB 324L (1973 1500fwd), GGN 573J (1971 1500fwd), DCP 625S (1977 Dolomite 1300) & LCG 367N (1975 Dolomite Sprint) plus 5 Acclaims and that's just the Triumphs!

Check my blog at http://triumphtoledo.blogspot.com

"There is only one way to avoid criticsm: do nothing, say nothing and BE nothing." Aristotle


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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Tue Apr 14, 2020 9:47 am 
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Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 1023
Location: NANTWICH.
BREAKING NEWS..............

Paddy's been stuck at home for 3 weeks now, wrapped in Electricians Tape. He's Self Insulating.

In other news.....

Diane Abbott is suing Tesco for putting her signature on their hot cross buns without prior consent. More as we get it...

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Sun Apr 19, 2020 9:49 am 
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Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 1023
Location: NANTWICH.
Breaking news.......

The new Nightingale Hospital has now opened in Glasgow and will be known as.........


ICU JIMMY.

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Mon Apr 20, 2020 2:21 pm 
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Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 1023
Location: NANTWICH.
I’ve been feeling a bit down and bored during the lockdown so my next door neighbour suggested I should do some gardening and gave me some seeds. Unfortunately it all went to pot and as a result the police arrested me for cannabis farming.

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