The Triumph Dolomite Club - Discussion Forum

The Number One Club for owners of Triumph's range of small saloons from the 1960s and 1970s.
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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Wed Jun 24, 2020 9:12 pm 
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TDC Shropshire Area Organiser

Joined: Sun Aug 21, 2011 4:12 pm
Posts: 5786
Location: Highley, Shropshire
Quote:
Quote:
There was somebody at the door. They were collecting for the local swimming pool so I gave them a bucket of water.
And what would be the joke?

Jeroen
In English, that reply comes out as "Yeah? Then what happened?" to draw attention politely to a not very funny one!

But on this thread, ANYTHING goes, awful Dad jokes are mainstream and no joke is too unfunny or politically incorrect to tell!

Steve

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'91 Cavalier 2ltr 8v auto
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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Wed Jun 24, 2020 9:26 pm 
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Joined: Thu Oct 06, 2011 12:13 am
Posts: 2839
Location: The continent
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
There was somebody at the door. They were collecting for the local swimming pool so I gave them a bucket of water.
And what would be the joke?

Jeroen
In English, that reply comes out as "Yeah? Then what happened?" to draw attention politely to a not very funny one!

But on this thread, ANYTHING goes, awful Dad jokes are mainstream and no joke is too unfunny or politically incorrect to tell!

Steve
I could visualize and could imagen Dave was actually standing in his door with a bucket of water while reading his comment... hence my question...

Jeroen

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Thu Jun 25, 2020 7:01 am 
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TDC West Yorks Area Organiser
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Joined: Tue Oct 03, 2006 4:52 pm
Posts: 7737
Location: Halifax, West Yorkshire
It was an old Ken Goodwin joke. Here's another from the late great comdian himself:

A man took his hat back to the shop because he could hear music. The man at the shop did something and the music stopped.
"What did you do?"
"I took the band out."

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Toledo Man

West Yorkshire Area Organiser & forum moderator
Meetings take place on the first Wednesday of the month at 8.00pm at The Old Brickworks, Wakefield Road, Drighlington, Bradford, BD11 1EA
1972 Dolomite 1850 auto (NYE 751L - Waiting for me to give it some love)
2008 Citroën C4 Grand Picasso 2.0 HDi Exclusive (MA08 WCL - the workhorse)
1995 BMW 318i (M265 PNC - Project Bimmer, the 2nd car)
1991 Toyota Celica GT (J481 ONB - the current project car)
Former stable of SAY 414M (1974 Toledo), GRH 244D (1966 1300fwd), CDB 324L (1973 1500fwd), GGN 573J (1971 1500fwd), DCP 625S (1977 Dolomite 1300) & LCG 367N (1975 Dolomite Sprint) plus 5 Acclaims and that's just the Triumphs!

Check my blog at http://triumphtoledo.blogspot.com

"There is only one way to avoid criticsm: do nothing, say nothing and BE nothing." Aristotle


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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Thu Jun 25, 2020 9:28 am 
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TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 1099
Location: NANTWICH.
I bought my wife a scarf for her birthday..... She took it back to the shop because it was to tight.

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Sun Jul 05, 2020 11:11 am 
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TDC West Yorks Area Organiser
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Joined: Tue Oct 03, 2006 4:52 pm
Posts: 7737
Location: Halifax, West Yorkshire
I saw a fella pulling a piece of string. I said "What are you doing pulling that?" He said " Have you tried pushing it?"

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Toledo Man

West Yorkshire Area Organiser & forum moderator
Meetings take place on the first Wednesday of the month at 8.00pm at The Old Brickworks, Wakefield Road, Drighlington, Bradford, BD11 1EA
1972 Dolomite 1850 auto (NYE 751L - Waiting for me to give it some love)
2008 Citroën C4 Grand Picasso 2.0 HDi Exclusive (MA08 WCL - the workhorse)
1995 BMW 318i (M265 PNC - Project Bimmer, the 2nd car)
1991 Toyota Celica GT (J481 ONB - the current project car)
Former stable of SAY 414M (1974 Toledo), GRH 244D (1966 1300fwd), CDB 324L (1973 1500fwd), GGN 573J (1971 1500fwd), DCP 625S (1977 Dolomite 1300) & LCG 367N (1975 Dolomite Sprint) plus 5 Acclaims and that's just the Triumphs!

Check my blog at http://triumphtoledo.blogspot.com

"There is only one way to avoid criticsm: do nothing, say nothing and BE nothing." Aristotle


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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Sun Jul 05, 2020 3:23 pm 
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Joined: Mon Apr 23, 2018 12:03 pm
Posts: 10
I have a really old typewriter. It types in pencil.
- Steven Wright

I have an L-shaped sofa. Lower case L.
- Demetri Martin

And one from the Viz Letterbocks page...

I was driving down the motorway the other day and thought I saw Irish rock legend Van Morrison in my rear view mirror. Then I remembered that everything in a mirror is reversed and it was actually a Morrisons van.


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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Mon Jul 06, 2020 11:42 am 
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Joined: Fri May 31, 2013 1:22 pm
Posts: 351
A furniture dealer from London decided that he wanted to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find.
Arriving there, he met with some manufacturers and finally selected a line that he thought would sell well back home.
To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine. As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the one other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house
Before long, a very beautiful Parisian girl came to his table, asked him something in French (which he did not understand), and motioned toward the chair. He invited her to sit down.
He tried to speak to her in English, but she didn't speak his language so, after a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it her. She nodded, and he ordered a glass of wine for her. After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. So, they left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music.
They ordered dinner, and after he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.
Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed.

To this day, he has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business....


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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Tue Jul 07, 2020 8:49 am 
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TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 1099
Location: NANTWICH.
The sex on my wedding night was the best ever.

I often wonder what happened to that barmaid.

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Sun Jul 12, 2020 9:40 am 
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TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 1099
Location: NANTWICH.
A group of men have been convicted of stealing roof joists in South Wales.

The press have labeled them the Tenby eight.

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Mon Jul 13, 2020 10:11 am 
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TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 1099
Location: NANTWICH.
Two prawns were swimming around in the sea one day. The first one was called Justin and the second one was called Kristian.

They were continually being chased and threatened by the sharks that inhabited the area.

Eventually Justin had had enough. He said to Kristian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn. I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have to worry about being eaten all the time."

As he said this, a large mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted!"

And believe it or not, with that Justin turned into a fearsome shark.

Kristian was horrified and so immediately swam away as he was scared of being eaten by his old friend.

As time went by, Justin found his new life as a shark to be boring and lonely. None of his old friends would let him get near them as they thought he would eat them and so they just swam away whenever he approached.

It took a while, but eventually Justin realized that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

Then one day he was swimming all alone as usual when he saw the mysterious cod again. He thought it'd be better if he could go back to his old life so he swam to the cod and begged to be changed back. The cod worked his magic and suddenly Justin was a prawn once more.

With tears of joy streaming down his cheeks Justin swam straight to Kristian's home.

As he opened the coral gate, the happy memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "Kristian, it's me, Justin, your old friend. Come out and see me again."

Kristian replied, "No way! You're a shark now and you'll just eat me. I'm not being tricked into being your dinner."

Justin shouted back "No, I'm not a shark any more. That was the old me. I've changed...

I've found Cod. I'm a prawn again Kristian!!"

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Sat Jul 18, 2020 3:22 pm 
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TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 1099
Location: NANTWICH.
A Greek man is on the run, wanted for the murder of a woman with a dip, spread, or savory dish made from cooked and mashed chickpeas, blended with tahini, lemon juice, and garlic. Police have confirmed this as the worst form of hummuside they've ever seen.

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Tue Jul 21, 2020 3:21 pm 
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TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 1099
Location: NANTWICH.
I'm not saying Paddy's thick but he thought equilibrium was a horse tranquilizer.

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Thu Jul 23, 2020 9:37 am 
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TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 1099
Location: NANTWICH.
I’ve just finished building a model of Mount Everest. My mate asked “Is it to scale?” “No” I replied, “It’s to look at”

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Thu Jul 23, 2020 10:33 am 
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Joined: Tue Oct 03, 2006 4:42 pm
Posts: 4051
Location: Forest of Dean
:lol: I am so stealing that

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Thu Jul 23, 2020 11:03 am 
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TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 1099
Location: NANTWICH.
Quote:
:lol: I am so stealing that
You are welcome TW, you can join my next therapy meeting if you like 8) :lol:

Tony.

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