Off Topic

[Martian]

Wobble...Wubble...Flob

[Pauldaf44]

The coldest snap of the winter so far is when the boiler decides to pack up

[NickMorgan]

What is the difference between sending a small parcel 1st class or "Guaranteed by 1o'clock tomorrow". I know that one of the answers is £3.35!

[JPB]

[brief on-topic excursion]

What is the difference between sending a small parcel 1st class or "Guaranteed by 1o'clock tomorrow". I know that one of the answers is £3.35!

Special Delivery (Guaranteed before 1 the following day) is trackable, which is important for sending eBay stuff as it prevents people from making false chargeback claims via paypal. [/sorry, as you were...]

[Oli_88]

"Ooh I know!" He says, "I'll order myself a brake pipe flaring kit, that'll be useful!"
Buys the only one he can currently afford, it arrives in the post a day later.
"Hmm, I've never used one of these before, lets look on Youtube at how to use it properly, before I cock it up."
Upon watching the video he notices some little black round things called dies being put in the pipe...
"I didn't see any of those in there..."
He goes and checks, nope, there wasn't any.
"I've just bought a paperweight, fantastic."

Guess who is now very annoyed?

[Lord Tolly]

Must be cold outside

a Polar bear just bit my backside

[Spunkymonkey]

Sheila lost the circlip out of her brake master today and is now dribbling fluid into the footwell. Bugger!

[tinweevil]

Here in Qatar diesel cost 0.7 Riyals per litre. Click here to convert that to GBP if you are feeling strong.

[Spunkymonkey]

All people in Quatar should be shot. This is not a racist statement, merely an economic truth

[Pauldaf44]

Oops I just discovered the major flaw of a choke that can only be put on from under the bonnet.

Bruce is completly immobile untill the snow melts and it thaws enough to release the bonnet that is frozen shut. Now if I fire it up that wont take long but I cant fire it up because I cant open the bonnet

[Pauldaf44]

Today is not a good day. I am really having to fight the desire to take every tablet in the medicine cabinet!!

[NickMorgan]

Day off work today. Roll on more snow!!!

[SprintMWU773V]

Why did I think it was a good idea to use Facebook for work? Now I'm being asked by everyone I went to school with to be their friend, well friends where have you been for the last 13 years I ask?

[Purplebargeken]

Sat my first summative legal exam (mental health law) this morning. Fingers crossed. Pass level is 80% -

Tomorrow is the 2nd legal test on the Code of Practice - pass mark again 80%.

On the home run now!

[Martian]

Amphibolies
------------------

Amphibolies are syntactically ambiguous, meaning you can read them in more than one way....

Drunk gets nine months in violin case

Farmer bill dies in house

Iraqi head seeks arms

Prostitutes appeal to law

Lung cancer in women mushrooms

Teacher strikes idle kids

Enraged cow injures farmer with Axe

Miners refuse to work after death

Stolen painting found by tree

Two sisters reunited after 18 years in checkout counter

Never withhold herpes infection from loved one

Kids make nutritious snacks

Worcester residents can drop off trees

Local high school dropouts cut in half

Hospital sued by seven foot doctors

New vaccine may contain rabies

Include your children when baking biscuits