Being British

[Maurice]

Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then traveling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch <br>
American shows on a Japanese TV. And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of anything foreign.<br>
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Oh and......<br>
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Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. <br>
Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.<br>
Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.<br>
Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.<br>
Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.<br>
Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.<br>
Only in Britain... are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.<br>
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NOT TO MENTION.<br>
<br>
3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.<br>
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142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.<br>
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58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.<br>
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31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in. MOYSEY THE LAD!<br>
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19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.<br>
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British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.<br>
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101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.<br>
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18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.<br>
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A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.<br>
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5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of Control Scalextric cars. and finally.........<br>
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In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet.<br>
<br>
I am proud to be British<br>


<p>Maurice</p><i></i>

[rich]

hows this nine volt battery thing work then aaahhhhhhhHHHHHH<!--EZCODE EMOTICON START :o --><img src=http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/im ... rassed.gif ALT=":o"><!--EZCODE EMOTICON END-->

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[1300dolly]

how does the 9v battery thing work he asks................<br>
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when youv'e tried it let us know<!--EZCODE EMOTICON START :lol --><img src=http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/im ... /laugh.gif ALT=":lol"><!--EZCODE EMOTICON END--> <br>
Justyn<br>


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[MaddMart]

I think you missed the joke there Justyn. <!--EZCODE EMOTICON START :lol --><img src=http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/im ... /laugh.gif ALT=":lol"><!--EZCODE EMOTICON END-->

<p>Martin<br>
<br>
<!--EZCODE LINK START--><a href="http://www.dolomitesprint.com/" target="top">www.dolomitesprint.com</a><!--EZCODE LINK END--></p><i>Edited by: <A HREF=http://p206.ezboard.com/bthetriumphdolo ... addMart</A> at: 6/4/06 7:51 pm<br></i>

[1300dolly]

<!--EZCODE EMOTICON START :o --><img src=http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/im ... rassed.gif ALT=":o"><!--EZCODE EMOTICON END--> <br>
Justyn<br>
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[SprintMWU773V]

Seem to remember trying this as a kid, not recommended with a fully charged battery, find and old one though and it was strangely satisfying.<br>
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Only in Britain do we moan it rains all the time then go out without an umbrella.<br>
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Only in Britain, especially in the North East of the island, do people go out in the middle of winter wearing nothing more than shorts and a shirt.

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[MaddMart]

<!--EZCODE QUOTE START--><blockquote><strong><em>Quote:</em></strong><hr>Seem to remember trying this as a kid, not recommended with a fully charged battery, find and old one though and it was strangely satisfying.<hr></blockquote><!--EZCODE QUOTE END--><br>
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Your supposed to put it on your tongue! <!--EZCODE EMOTICON START :rollin --><img src=http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/im ... s/roll.gif ALT=":rollin"><!--EZCODE EMOTICON END--> <br>
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Keep 'em coming

<p>Martin<br>
<br>
<!--EZCODE LINK START--><a href="http://www.dolomitesprint.com/" target="top">www.dolomitesprint.com</a><!--EZCODE LINK END--></p><i></i>

[SprintMWU773V]

I did of course use my tongue! The thought of putting it anywhere else fills my eyes with tears.<br>
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Only in Britain do we admire our past achievements so much we still bang on about winning a world cup 40 years ago.<br>
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Not a british one sorry but:<br>
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Only in America can you walk into a pharmacy and buy cigarettes.<br>
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there must be plenty more for people to think of.<br>
<br>
mark

<p>Mark<br>
<br>
1980 Dolomite Sprint<br>
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2002 Ford Focus (just to be original)</p><i></i>

[dollybird72]

Maurice, I liked your post! There's nowt as queer as British folk.<br>
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Couldn't think of anything to add to the list for now but following on from the accidents/deaths, here are some bizarre ones! Enjoy!<!--EZCODE EMOTICON START :lol --><img src=http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/im ... /laugh.gif ALT=":lol"><!--EZCODE EMOTICON END--> <br>
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<!--EZCODE UNDERLINE START--><span style="text-decoration:underline"><!--EZCODE BOLD START--><strong>Attila the Hun:</strong><!--EZCODE BOLD END--></span><!--EZCODE UNDERLINE END--> <br>
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How he died: He got a nosebleed on his wedding night <br>
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In 453 AD, Attila married a young girl named Ildico. Despite his reputation for ferocity on the battlefield, he tended to eat and drink lightly during large banquets. On his wedding night, however, he really cut loose, gorging himself on food and drink. Sometime during the night he suffered a nosebleed, but was too drunk to notice. He drowned in his own blood and was found dead the next morning. <br>
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<!--EZCODE UNDERLINE START--><span style="text-decoration:underline"><!--EZCODE BOLD START--><strong>Tycho Brahe:</strong><!--EZCODE BOLD END--></span><!--EZCODE UNDERLINE END--> <br>
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An important Danish astronomer of the 16th century. His ground breaking research allowed Sir Isaac Newton to come up with the theory of gravity. <br>
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How he died: Didn't get to the bathroom in time.<br>
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In the 16th century, it was considered an insult to leave a banquet table before the meal was over. Brahe, known to drink excessively, had a bladder condition -- but failed to relieve himself before the banquet started. He made matters worse by drinking too much at dinner, and was too polite to ask to be excused. His bladder finally burst, killing him slowly and painfully over the next 11 days. <br>
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<!--EZCODE UNDERLINE START--><span style="text-decoration:underline"><!--EZCODE BOLD START--><strong>Tennessee Williams:</strong><!--EZCODE BOLD END--></span><!--EZCODE UNDERLINE END--><br>
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One of the most important playwrights of the twentieth century <br>
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How he died: Using a nasal spray <br>
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Williams was staying at the Hotel Elysee in New York in 1983 when, whilst he was using a nasal spray, the cap fell off the bottle into his mouth, and he choked to death.<br>
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<!--EZCODE UNDERLINE START--><span style="text-decoration:underline"><!--EZCODE BOLD START--><strong>Francis Bacon:</strong><!--EZCODE BOLD END--></span><!--EZCODE UNDERLINE END--><br>
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One of the most influential minds of the late 16th century. A statesman, a philosopher, a writer, and a scientist, he was even rumored to have written some of Shakespeare's plays. <br>
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How he died: Stuffing snow into a chicken.<br>
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One afternoon in 1625, Bacon was watching a snowstorm and was struck by the wondrous notion that maybe snow could be used to preserve meat in the same way that salt was used. Determined to find out, he purchased a chicken from a nearby village, killed it, and then, standing outside in the snow, attempted to stuff the chicken full of snow to freeze it. The chicken never froze, but Bacon did. <!--EZCODE ITALIC START--><em>(Serves him bloody right!)</em><!--EZCODE ITALIC END--><br>
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<!--EZCODE UNDERLINE START--><span style="text-decoration:underline"><!--EZCODE BOLD START--><strong>Aeschylus:</strong><!--EZCODE BOLD END--></span><!--EZCODE UNDERLINE END--><br>
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A Greek playwright back in 500 BC. Many historians consider him the father of Greek tragedies.<br>
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How he died: An eagle dropped a tortoise on his head. <!--EZCODE ITALIC START--><em><!--EZCODE BOLD START--><strong>(Take heed those men who are folically challenged!)</strong><!--EZCODE BOLD END--></em><!--EZCODE ITALIC END--><br>
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Eagles pick up tortoises and attempt to crack them open by dropping them on rocks. An eagle mistook Aeschylus' head for a rock (he was bald) and dropped it on him instead. Many years before, a soothsayer had predicted that Aeschylus would be killed by a house. If you consider the function that the shell serves to a tortoise, the prediction turned out to come true.<br>
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Susie<br>
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<p></p><i>Edited by: <A HREF=http://p206.ezboard.com/bthetriumphdolo ... ybird72</A> at: 8/4/06 10:53 am<br></i>

[PurpleBargeKen]

Try looking up the Darwin Awards - awarded to people at the shallowest end of the gene pool who removed themselves from existence in very bizarre ways. Strangely funny though.

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[ddu]

if battery is left in stainless steel trough type urinals it supposed to give "the visitor" a suprise! read it in FHM

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[2F45T4U]

We have these in college... Will report back <!--EZCODE EMOTICON START :lol --><img src=http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/im ... /laugh.gif ALT=":lol"><!--EZCODE EMOTICON END--> <!--EZCODE EMOTICON START :p --><img src=http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/im ... tongue.gif ALT=":p"><!--EZCODE EMOTICON END-->

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