Off Topic
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Martian
Re: Off Topic
Really BAD Halloween jokes.....You've been warned!
Why are teachers happy at Halloween parties ?
Because there is lots of school spirit !
What happened to the girl who wore a mouse costume to her Halloween party ?
The cat ate her !
What do witches eat at Halloween ?
Spooketti, devils food cake and booberry pie !
A boy went to a Halloween party with a sheet on his head.
"Are you a ghost ?" asked his friends
"No, I'm an unmade bed !"
Another boy went to a Halloween party with a sheet on his head.
"Are you an unmade bed ?" asked his friends
"No, I'm an undercover agent !"
What did the really ugly man do for a living ?
He posed for Halloween masks !
Why did the ghost go trick or treating on the top floor ?
He was in high spirits !
What happened when the girl dressed as a spoon left the Halloween party ?
No one moved, they couldn't stir without her !
Why was the little boy unhappy to win first prize for the best costume at the Halloween party ?
Because he just came to pick up his sister !
Why was everyone tickled by the fried chicken at the Halloween party ?
Because the feathers were still on the chicken !
Why are teachers happy at Halloween parties ?
Because there is lots of school spirit !
What happened to the girl who wore a mouse costume to her Halloween party ?
The cat ate her !
What do witches eat at Halloween ?
Spooketti, devils food cake and booberry pie !
A boy went to a Halloween party with a sheet on his head.
"Are you a ghost ?" asked his friends
"No, I'm an unmade bed !"
Another boy went to a Halloween party with a sheet on his head.
"Are you an unmade bed ?" asked his friends
"No, I'm an undercover agent !"
What did the really ugly man do for a living ?
He posed for Halloween masks !
Why did the ghost go trick or treating on the top floor ?
He was in high spirits !
What happened when the girl dressed as a spoon left the Halloween party ?
No one moved, they couldn't stir without her !
Why was the little boy unhappy to win first prize for the best costume at the Halloween party ?
Because he just came to pick up his sister !
Why was everyone tickled by the fried chicken at the Halloween party ?
Because the feathers were still on the chicken !
Re: Off Topic
I love E-bay. Won an Oil pressure gauge kit yesterday for £30 including P+P.
Then, this happens...
"Sorry, I just dropped the gauge and broke it, I can offer you a replacement full face gauge that is more expensive."
Err, can I see pictures of the damage and of the new item...
"I've binned the broken one, here is a picture of the new one http://shop1.actinicexpress.co.uk/shops ... _thumb.jpg yes it's the same size"
(Ten minutes of digging later)
No thanks, I've just found the same more expensive gauge on E-bay for under a tenner.
Good effort I think. Though I just realised I've bought a Master Cylinder seal kit from him too.
This could get interesting.
Then, this happens...
"Sorry, I just dropped the gauge and broke it, I can offer you a replacement full face gauge that is more expensive."
Err, can I see pictures of the damage and of the new item...
"I've binned the broken one, here is a picture of the new one http://shop1.actinicexpress.co.uk/shops ... _thumb.jpg yes it's the same size"
(Ten minutes of digging later)
No thanks, I've just found the same more expensive gauge on E-bay for under a tenner.
Good effort I think. Though I just realised I've bought a Master Cylinder seal kit from him too.
This could get interesting.
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Martian
Re: Off Topic
Bottle of Wine
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women drivers.
The woman says, 'So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be fate that we should be friends and live in peace for the rest of our days.'
Flattered, the man replies, 'Oh yes, I agree completely, this must fate! But you're still at fault...women shouldn't be allowed to drive.'
The woman continues, 'And look at this, its a miracle! My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely we should drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune. She hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap back on and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, 'Aren't you having any?'
The woman replies, 'No. I think I'll just wait for the police...'
MORAL OF THE STORY: Women are clever, evil creatures. Don't mess with them.
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women drivers.
The woman says, 'So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be fate that we should be friends and live in peace for the rest of our days.'
Flattered, the man replies, 'Oh yes, I agree completely, this must fate! But you're still at fault...women shouldn't be allowed to drive.'
The woman continues, 'And look at this, its a miracle! My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely we should drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune. She hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap back on and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, 'Aren't you having any?'
The woman replies, 'No. I think I'll just wait for the police...'
MORAL OF THE STORY: Women are clever, evil creatures. Don't mess with them.
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SprintMWU773V
- TDC Staffs Area Organiser
- Posts: 5429
- Joined: Wed Oct 18, 2006 2:08 pm
- Location: The Old Asylum
Re: Off Topic
Oh dear, office I am working in on a job has fantastic pub round the corner serving my favourite brand of beer (Titanic). Is it frowned upon to go to the pub at lunchtime these days?
Mark
1961 Chevrolet Corvair Greenbrier Sportswagon
1980 Dolomite Sprint project using brand new shell
2009 Mazda MX5 2.0 Sport
2018 Infiniti Q30
1961 Chevrolet Corvair Greenbrier Sportswagon
1980 Dolomite Sprint project using brand new shell
2009 Mazda MX5 2.0 Sport
2018 Infiniti Q30
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DoloWIGHTY
Re: Off Topic
[ontopic]Sounds as though Titanic beer "goes down well" then?[/ontopic]
Well, it's Wednesday afternoon, over half way through the working week, downhill from here on folks
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Well, it's Wednesday afternoon, over half way through the working week, downhill from here on folks
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TLC
- Guest contributor
- Posts: 643
- Joined: Wed Oct 04, 2006 4:40 pm
- Location: Somewhere in the middleshire
Re: Off Topic
and what hapens when you dont do working weeks 
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Martian
Re: Off Topic
I don't like to brag.... 
- Attachments
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- bed,funny,quote,typography,like,it,fun-470258593fec33de8fee5f9ccacf09c2_h_large.jpg (18.53 KiB) Viewed 727 times
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2Toledos
Re: Off Topic
How many times must 'you' click 'Yes to All', before it gets the message ?
Re: Off Topic
I was not aware that one set of clothing could hold that much rain water. Ho hum.
1978 Pageant Sprint - the rustomite, 1972 Spitfire IV - sprintfire project, 1968 Valencia GT6 II - little Blue, 1980 Vermillion 1500HL - resting. 1974 Sienna 1500TC, Mrs Weevils big brown.
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Martian
Re: Off Topic
Meet The Parents
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have dinner with her parents.
Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.
He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and his girlfriend meets him at the door.
"Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" she says.
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are already seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and Whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a Pharmacist."
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have dinner with her parents.
Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.
He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and his girlfriend meets him at the door.
"Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" she says.
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are already seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and Whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a Pharmacist."