Off Topic

[james_r_lucas]

Must. Stop. Looking. at ex-military SIII Land Rovers...

[DoloWIGHTY2]

If "Gillian" is looking for her keys - I handed them into Newport Police Station at lunchtime.

[Martian]

Why Parents get Grey Hair

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialled the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered,

"Hello?"

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"

"Yes", whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?" the man asked.

To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mummy there?"

"Yes", came the answer. "May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No".

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there anyone there besides you?", the boss asked the child.

"Yes" whispered the child, "A policeman."

Wondering why a policeman would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman"?

"No, he's busy", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?, asked the boss.

"Talking to Daddy and Mummy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper", answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?", asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there"?

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, "They're looking for me!"

[Oli_88]

Now I don't want to worry you guys but...
I will soon be having help from an MGB owner.
The world may explode.

I joke, he's also asked me for help in making altitude adjustments to his car.
No bobble hats in sight.

[Pauldaf44]

{slightly on topic} Last week I discovered that MGTF autos are CVT very interesting chat with the owner about DAFs insued.

Why though when you have seamless gear changes do they have paddles on the steering wheel for fixed ratio changes when the sports buttons pressed. Kind of defeats the point really

[1300dolly]

When he awakes from his comma and gets told by Mr Plod what happened I bet he says 'I ddint see him' (talking about that large white truck he has pulled out in front off)

[Martian]

> > (Passing requires only 3 correct answers out of 10!)
> >
> >
> >
> > only total thickos will fail !!! DO NOT SCROLL DOWN UNTIL U ANSWER ALL
> > QUESTIONS!!
> >
> >
> >
> > 1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last?
> >
> >
> >
> > 2) Which country makes Panama hats?
> >
> >
> >
> > 3) From which animal do we get cat gut?
> >
> >
> >
> > 4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
> >
> >
> >
> > 5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
> >
> >
> >
> > 6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
> >
> >
> >
> > 7) What was King George VI's first name?
> >
> >
> >
> > What color is a purple finch?
> >
> >
> >
> > 9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
> >
> >
> >
> > 10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?
> >
> >
> >
> > Remember, you need only 3 correct answers to pass.
> >
> > Check your answers below.
> >
> >
> >
> > ANSWERS
> >
> >
> >
> > 1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years (Not 6 then...)
> >
> >
> >
> > 2) Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador (Of course...)
> >
> >
> >
> > 3) From which animal do we get cat gut? Sheep and Horses (what size flap do you need for the kitchen door?)
> >
> >
> >
> > 4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? November (obvious really...)
> >
> >
> >
> > 5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? Squirrel fur (what else would it be!)
> >
> >
> >
> > 6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? Dogs (watch out for the flying fur!)
> >
> >
> >
> > 7) What was King George VI's first name? Albert
> >
> >
> >
> > What colour is a purple finch? Crimson
> >
> >
> >
> > 9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand
> >
> >
> >
> > 10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? Orange
> > (of course!)
> >
> >
> >
> > What do you mean, you failed?!!
> >
> >
> >
> > Me, too...!!!
> >
> >
> >
> > ( And if you try to tell me you passed, you lie! )

[JPB]

[marty dolomite]

Sleep, need sleep, must sleep............................

[Oli_88]

I love watching peoples faces when they say "I wouldn't have one of them, it's old", and I tell them my Dolly is at least a decade older than that.

[Purplebargeken]

I have light in my garage courtesy of a festoon of 110v bulbs!

Shame I only bought them 4 years ago

[Martian]

I got a new stick deodorant today.

The instructions said: Remove cap and push up bottom.

My head gets wet and I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells lovely.

[Lord Tolly]

Just back from seeing Jayden my new grandson....all 9lb 4oz of him, no wonder his mummy looks knackered and is a bit sore....

[Pauldaf44]

One works hard for a year arranging a weekend of car related activitees for classic car owners to take part in and when it comes around to it not a single car turns up!

Now feeling rather stupid as have had to make grovelling apologies to the booked venues. I wonder why I bother sometimes

[marty dolomite]

Why the feck do people ask for parts 'urgently needed' and after several weeks and offers of help cant even be arsed to reply to say its sorted?

^^^ To keep in line with this threads rules thats not a real question and requires no reply!