Off Topic

[Spunkymonkey]

Treat any technical advice you find on the internet with so much salt the councils will run out come winter.

[boybiffa]

remembered I posted this on my facebook notes ages ago thought it might make some folks here laugh

proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her

husband or boyfriend along shopping



This letter was actually sent by Tesco's Head Office to a

customer in Oxford:





Dear Mrs. Murray,



Whilst we would like to thank you for your valued custom and use

of the

Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is

considering

banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your

husband

stops his antics.



Below is a list of his actions over the past few months all

verified by our

surveillance cameras:



1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in

people's

trolleys when they weren't looking.



2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at

5-minute

intervals.



3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to

feminine

products aisle.



4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official

tone, 'Code

3' in housewares..... and watched what happened..



5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted

area.



6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing

department and told

shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a

Calor

gas stove.



7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help

him, he

began to cry and asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me

alone?'



8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as

a mirror,

picked his nose, and ate it.



9. October 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in

the

Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the

antidepressants

were.



10. November 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly

humming the

Mission Impossible' theme.



11.November 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the 'Madonna

look' using

different size funnels.



12. November 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed,

yelled

'PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!'



13. November 21: When an announcement came over the loud

speaker, assumed

the foetal position and screamed 'NO! NO! It's those voices

again.'



And; last, but not least:



14. November 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited

a while;

then yelled, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here.'

[tinweevil]

If I spent £11,150 on a new Micra DIG-S in order to get 68.9mpg instead of the 40mpg I get in my 31 year old 1500HL I would need to cover 178,914.2 miles before I was in profit.

[Purplebargeken]

Ho ho! Next time I'm in Tesco's!!!

I have bought some 4mm Corotherm sheets from B&Q. I'm going to be creative when the headaches goes and the immediate vicinity stops spinning so damn much. Never take Tramadol folks!

[marty dolomite]

This letter was actually sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in Oxford:


.'

-50 points for posting an urban myth.
http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/spree.asp

[boybiffa]

[marty dolomite]

with two Dolomite shaped cars off the road, one for welding and the other just fooked my only two working cars are both F**ds (A purple KA and a Focus).
How long do I get banned from the forum for this crime?

[Oli_88]

I was invited to Thorpe Park yesterday, I backed out last minute to do some welding.
Dedicated.

[Spunkymonkey]

Youngster's Rover cut out (again) today. It's been doing it intermittently for the past couple of months and she's been told to get it looked at (cos I don't do moderns) and she's been told not to run it on fumes all the time, but would she listen? Oh no! That would cost money she'd rather spend on rabbit shows. Only this time it happened on the entrance to the Britannia Bridge and the nice policeman who happened to be passing wasn't willing to let her block traffic for 1 1/2 - 2 hours waiting for recovery.

So he arranged it. £150 later, maybe she'll listen next time?????

[Pauldaf44]

[knowing smile]My condolences to purplebargeken [/knowing smile]

[tinweevil]

Bugger

[Purplebargeken]

Arse biscuits. Thanks Paul 'I did a Gavina' could be made into a car sticker perhaps.

[Triumph1300]

KAC passed his MOT again this morning- YEEEHAA
Makes up for working over 60 hours this week - in France!

[Martian]

MMMM.....Smoky Bacon Tikka....Marvellouus!

[tinweevil]

Are Adobe and AutoDesk in some kind of competition to produce the crappest software? Acrobat Pro X and AutoCAD Mechanical 2011 both crash every time they are closed, both throw in random other crashes mid use and both save corrupt files which they whinge about when opened again minutes later. My PC is 2 months old so no blaming the OS please.