JOKE OF THE DAY
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- TDC Cheshire Area Organiser
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- Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 6:28 pm
- Location: NANTWICH.
Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
I just applied for a job in the Citroen factory.
I had to send in 2CVs.
I had to send in 2CVs.
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- Toledo Man
- Guest contributor
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- Location: Halifax, West Yorkshire
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Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
A man goes to his doctor about his premature ejaculation. The doctor suggests that next time he's making love to his wife, he should make a sudden noise so that the fright will stop him in his tracks. Later on the man buys himself a starting pistol and keeps it at the side of the bed.
That night the man and his wife start to make love. They get into the "69" position and before long the man feels himself about to ejaculate so he grabs the starting pistol and pulls the trigger.
The next day, he's back at the doctor's.
"Doc, things are much worse. The wife p*ssed in my face, she bit my c*ck off and the next door neighbour came out of the wardrobe with his hands up."
That night the man and his wife start to make love. They get into the "69" position and before long the man feels himself about to ejaculate so he grabs the starting pistol and pulls the trigger.
The next day, he's back at the doctor's.
"Doc, things are much worse. The wife p*ssed in my face, she bit my c*ck off and the next door neighbour came out of the wardrobe with his hands up."
Toledo Man
West Yorkshire Area Organiser
Meetings take place on the first Wednesday of the month at 8.00pm at The Railway, 1 Birstall Lane, Drighlington, Bradford, BD11 1JJ
2003 Volvo XC90 D5 SE (PX53 OVZ - The daily driver)
2009 Mercedes-Benz W204 C200 CDI Sport (BJ58 NCV - The 2nd car)
1991 Toyota Celica GT (J481 ONB - a project car)
Former stable of SAY 414M (1974 Toledo), GRH 244D (1966 1300fwd), CDB 324L (1973 1500fwd), GGN 573J (1971 1500fwd), DCP 625S (1977 Dolomite 1300) & LCG 367N (1975 Dolomite Sprint), NYE 751L (1972 Dolomite 1850 auto) plus 5 Acclaims and that's just the Triumphs!
Check my blog at http://triumphtoledo.blogspot.com
My YouTube Channel with a bit of Dolomite content.
"There is only one way to avoid criticsm: Do nothing, say nothing and BE nothing." Aristotle
West Yorkshire Area Organiser
Meetings take place on the first Wednesday of the month at 8.00pm at The Railway, 1 Birstall Lane, Drighlington, Bradford, BD11 1JJ
2003 Volvo XC90 D5 SE (PX53 OVZ - The daily driver)
2009 Mercedes-Benz W204 C200 CDI Sport (BJ58 NCV - The 2nd car)
1991 Toyota Celica GT (J481 ONB - a project car)
Former stable of SAY 414M (1974 Toledo), GRH 244D (1966 1300fwd), CDB 324L (1973 1500fwd), GGN 573J (1971 1500fwd), DCP 625S (1977 Dolomite 1300) & LCG 367N (1975 Dolomite Sprint), NYE 751L (1972 Dolomite 1850 auto) plus 5 Acclaims and that's just the Triumphs!
Check my blog at http://triumphtoledo.blogspot.com
My YouTube Channel with a bit of Dolomite content.
"There is only one way to avoid criticsm: Do nothing, say nothing and BE nothing." Aristotle
- covcourier
- TDC Member
- Posts: 527
- Joined: Wed Nov 25, 2009 9:55 pm
- Location: Coventry and beyond.........
Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
I went to the gym today and spotted a hole in my trainer that was big enough to get my finger in.
Unfortunately, she wasn’t amused and now I’ve got to go to court next Thursday.
Unfortunately, she wasn’t amused and now I’ve got to go to court next Thursday.
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- TDC Cheshire Area Organiser
- Posts: 1410
- Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 6:28 pm
- Location: NANTWICH.
Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "So, you've been out drinking again!" "What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on an innocent look. "The pub called -- you left your wheelchair there again."
NOW A CLUB MEMBER 2017057 

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- TDC Cheshire Area Organiser
- Posts: 1410
- Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 6:28 pm
- Location: NANTWICH.
Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
A man in Melbourne walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of cabbage. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of cabbage. The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter. Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some old b'stard outside wants to buy half a head of cabbage." As he finished his sentence, he turned around to find that the man had followed and was standing right behind him, so the boy quickly added, "and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half." The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later, the manager said to the boy........... "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier, we like people who can think on their feet here, where are you from son?" "New Zealand, sir," the boy replied. Why did you leave New Zealand ?" the manager asked. The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but prostitutes and rugby players there." "Is that right?" replied the manager, "My wife is from New Zealand!" "Really?" replied the boy, "Who did she play for?"
NOW A CLUB MEMBER 2017057 

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- TDC Cheshire Area Organiser
- Posts: 1410
- Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 6:28 pm
- Location: NANTWICH.
Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
covcourier wrote: ↑Mon Oct 15, 2018 8:25 pm I went to the gym today and spotted a hole in my trainer that was big enough to get my finger in.
Unfortunately, she wasn’t amused and now I’ve got to go to court next Thursday.


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- xvivalve
- TDC West Mids Area Organiser
- Posts: 13568
- Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2006 1:13 pm
- Location: Over here...can't you see me?
Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
I originally intended to train to be an archeologist....but I didn't want my career to end in ruins
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- TDC Cheshire Area Organiser
- Posts: 1410
- Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 6:28 pm
- Location: NANTWICH.
Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
Dont tell the mrs...........
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Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
Dad joke warning:
What is the difference between a mouldy lettuce and a C+W song about a dead dog?
One is a bad salad whereas the other is a sad ballad.
What is the difference between a mouldy lettuce and a C+W song about a dead dog?
One is a bad salad whereas the other is a sad ballad.
Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
WWII was over and God called Stalin, Roosevelt and Churchill together to thank them for their efforts in stopping the Nazis and getting rid of Hitler. He/She told them that as a reward they could have one wish each.
He/She asked Stalin, "What would you like"?
Stalin quickly answered, "Kill all the Americans"
He/She then asked Roosevelt, who answered, "Kill all the Russians"
"OK then", "So what about you Mr. Churchill? What is your one wish?
Churchill answered, "I'll have a double Scotch, but serve the others first"
He/She asked Stalin, "What would you like"?
Stalin quickly answered, "Kill all the Americans"
He/She then asked Roosevelt, who answered, "Kill all the Russians"
"OK then", "So what about you Mr. Churchill? What is your one wish?
Churchill answered, "I'll have a double Scotch, but serve the others first"
- Toledo Man
- Guest contributor
- Posts: 7542
- Joined: Tue Oct 03, 2006 5:52 pm
- Location: Halifax, West Yorkshire
- Contact:
Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
FOR SALE: German Shepherd. Eats anything, especially fond of children.
Toledo Man
West Yorkshire Area Organiser
Meetings take place on the first Wednesday of the month at 8.00pm at The Railway, 1 Birstall Lane, Drighlington, Bradford, BD11 1JJ
2003 Volvo XC90 D5 SE (PX53 OVZ - The daily driver)
2009 Mercedes-Benz W204 C200 CDI Sport (BJ58 NCV - The 2nd car)
1991 Toyota Celica GT (J481 ONB - a project car)
Former stable of SAY 414M (1974 Toledo), GRH 244D (1966 1300fwd), CDB 324L (1973 1500fwd), GGN 573J (1971 1500fwd), DCP 625S (1977 Dolomite 1300) & LCG 367N (1975 Dolomite Sprint), NYE 751L (1972 Dolomite 1850 auto) plus 5 Acclaims and that's just the Triumphs!
Check my blog at http://triumphtoledo.blogspot.com
My YouTube Channel with a bit of Dolomite content.
"There is only one way to avoid criticsm: Do nothing, say nothing and BE nothing." Aristotle
West Yorkshire Area Organiser
Meetings take place on the first Wednesday of the month at 8.00pm at The Railway, 1 Birstall Lane, Drighlington, Bradford, BD11 1JJ
2003 Volvo XC90 D5 SE (PX53 OVZ - The daily driver)
2009 Mercedes-Benz W204 C200 CDI Sport (BJ58 NCV - The 2nd car)
1991 Toyota Celica GT (J481 ONB - a project car)
Former stable of SAY 414M (1974 Toledo), GRH 244D (1966 1300fwd), CDB 324L (1973 1500fwd), GGN 573J (1971 1500fwd), DCP 625S (1977 Dolomite 1300) & LCG 367N (1975 Dolomite Sprint), NYE 751L (1972 Dolomite 1850 auto) plus 5 Acclaims and that's just the Triumphs!
Check my blog at http://triumphtoledo.blogspot.com
My YouTube Channel with a bit of Dolomite content.
"There is only one way to avoid criticsm: Do nothing, say nothing and BE nothing." Aristotle
Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
Dave, can you move your post to the sales and wants section?
Jeroen
Jeroen
Classic Kabelboom Company. For all your wiring needs. http://www.classickabelboomcompany.com
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- TDC Cheshire Area Organiser
- Posts: 1410
- Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 6:28 pm
- Location: NANTWICH.
Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
I asked my Gran how she liked her new stair lift. "It's driving me up the bloody wall", she said.
NOW A CLUB MEMBER 2017057 

Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
A policeman arrested 2 boys yesterday, one for possessing battery acid, the other fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.
They charged one and let the other one off.