The Triumph Dolomite Club - Discussion Forum

The Number One Club for owners of Triumph's range of small saloons from the 1960s and 1970s.
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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Tue Nov 12, 2019 10:51 am 
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TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 908
Location: NANTWICH.
The bartender says "we don't serve time travelers in here". A time traveler walks into a bar.

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Wed Nov 13, 2019 9:48 am 
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TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 908
Location: NANTWICH.
I couldn't believe it when we were at a Halloween party this year, and this girl came up and loudly accused me of "Cultural Appropriation" just because of the Sioux-Indian costume I was wearing. Boy was my face red.

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Mon Nov 18, 2019 11:10 am 
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TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 908
Location: NANTWICH.
Got stopped by the police who informed me of a thief operating in the area stealing car wheels and tyres. The tell me they are working tirelessly to find them

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Fri Nov 29, 2019 3:04 pm 
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TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 908
Location: NANTWICH.
I served for nine years in the Services, and took frontline flak every single day... ...selling overpriced fuel, fags and bottles of Coke at Newport Pagnell.

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Mon Dec 02, 2019 11:31 am 
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TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 908
Location: NANTWICH.
I warned my pyromaniac mate not to go on tinder.

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 Post subject: In the Dog House
PostPosted: Sat Dec 07, 2019 12:56 pm 
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Joined: Fri May 31, 2013 1:22 pm
Posts: 314
Went to the Yorkshire Dolly Club meet this week and Keith comes in looking very forlorn.
"What's up Keith you look a bit down says Dave".
"Oh its the wife can't do anything right, This morning she was a bit amorous and wanted a bit of the other but the old man wasn't working to well. She said go to the chemists today and get some of those tablets that will make you want too. Got back home showed her what I had got and she went ballistic. Seems sliming tablets weren't what she meant".


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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Sun Dec 15, 2019 9:55 pm 
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Joined: Sun Mar 16, 2008 2:52 pm
Posts: 2101
Alexa !

Tell me my bank balance.

Then tell me which Apple products I can afford.

Apple Juice ?


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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Wed Dec 18, 2019 1:20 pm 
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TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 908
Location: NANTWICH.
If you go down to the woods today..........


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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Thu Dec 19, 2019 10:24 pm 
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TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 908
Location: NANTWICH.
I just found out my girlfriend is a ghost.... To be honest I had my suspicions from the moment she walked through the door

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 Post subject: Re: Hazzards
PostPosted: Sat Dec 21, 2019 1:50 pm 
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Joined: Fri May 31, 2013 1:22 pm
Posts: 314
Yesterday I had a flat tire on the M50. I eased my car over to the hard shoulder, carefully got out of the car and opened the boot. I took out 2 cardboard naked men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing oncoming traffic.

They looked so lifelike you wouldn’t believe! They are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies and private parts to the approaching drivers.

But to my surprise, cars started slowing down looking at my lifelike men. And of course, traffic started backing up. Everybody was tooting their horns and waving like crazy.

It wasn’t long before officers Dibble and Dribble pulled up behind me.

They got out of their car and started walking towards me. I could tell neither was a happy bunny.

’What’s going on here?’ Said Dibble

’My car has a flat tyre,’ I said calmly.

’Well, what the heck are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?’

I couldn’t believe that he didn’t know. So I told him,

’HellOOOO, those are my emergency flashers!’


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 Post subject: Re: 20 Richmond
PostPosted: Sat Dec 21, 2019 2:01 pm 
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Joined: Fri May 31, 2013 1:22 pm
Posts: 314
I’ve pulled up in my car earlier outside the local Cornershop, got out and as I went to walk inside three dodgy looking young lads on the mountain bikes asked me if I could go in and get them 20 Richmond. I asked them if they were really sure they wanted 20 Richmond, they said yes so I thought ok seeing as I was in the Dolly and didn't want it damaging. They gave me the money and in I went.

When I came out they were standing round the corner so I walked over to the car, got in and drove over to them and they looked really excited. I chucked them 20 Richmond and gave them the change and drove. They started shouting and swearing and rode as fast as they could after me. Apparently a bag of 20 frozen pork sausages wasn't what they wanted.


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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Mon Dec 23, 2019 2:00 pm 
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TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 908
Location: NANTWICH.
The police phoned me to tell me my wife was in hospital.

"How is she?" I asked.

"Critical," replied the officer.

"What's she complaining about now?" I said.

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Sat Jan 11, 2020 5:26 pm 
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TDC Cheshire Area Organiser

Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 5:28 pm
Posts: 908
Location: NANTWICH.
As I stared out of the window this morning, I said to the wife:

"Oh my God, look at it, it's so grey and miserable."

"Stop being horrible" she replied, "just go and let my mother in."

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 Post subject: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
PostPosted: Tue Jan 14, 2020 7:22 am 
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TDC West Yorks Area Organiser
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Joined: Tue Oct 03, 2006 4:52 pm
Posts: 7704
Location: Halifax, West Yorkshire
A man comes out of a shop and sees a funeral procession with two hearses, a man behind walking a dog on a leash and 200 other men behind walking single file. The first man is curious and asks the man with the dog about it.

"I'm sorry for your loss but what sort of funeral is this?"
"The wife started shouting at me and the dog attacked her and killed her."
"Why are there 2 hearses?"
"My mother-in-law stepped in and the dog attacked her and killed her too."
"Can I borrow your dog?"
"Join the queue..."

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Toledo Man

West Yorkshire Area Organiser & forum moderator
Meetings take place on the first Wednesday of the month at 8.00pm at The Old Brickworks, Wakefield Road, Drighlington, Bradford, BD11 1EA
1972 Dolomite 1850 auto (NYE 751L - Waiting for me to give it some love)
2008 Citroën C4 Grand Picasso 2.0 HDi Exclusive (MA08 WCL - the workhorse)
1995 BMW 318i (M265 PNC - Project Bimmer, the 2nd car)
1991 Toyota Celica GT (J481 ONB - the current project car)
Former stable of SAY 414M (1974 Toledo), GRH 244D (1966 1300fwd), CDB 324L (1973 1500fwd), GGN 573J (1971 1500fwd), DCP 625S (1977 Dolomite 1300) & LCG 367N (1975 Dolomite Sprint) plus 5 Acclaims and that's just the Triumphs!

Check my blog at http://triumphtoledo.blogspot.com

"There is only one way to avoid criticsm: do nothing, say nothing and BE nothing." Aristotle


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 Post subject: BMW accesories
PostPosted: Thu Jan 16, 2020 2:25 pm 
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Joined: Fri May 31, 2013 1:22 pm
Posts: 314
On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside.

The pump attendant obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.

Top of the mornin’ to yer, sir” says the attendant.

Tiger nods a quick “hello” and bends forward to pick up the nozzle.

As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.

“What are dose? asks the attendant.

“They’re called tees” replies Tiger.

“Well, what on the god’s earth are dey for?” inquires the Irishman.

“They’re for resting my balls on when I’m driving”, says Tiger.

“Jaysus”, says the Irishman, “BMW thinks of everything”


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