JOKE OF THE DAY

[RobSun]

A young man moves to a new town and goes searching for a job. He goes into a department store and asks if there are any vacancies.

The manager asks, "Do you have any sales experience?"

He says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home".

Well, the manager liked the young man, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you do but let me give you a bit of advice. If a customer comes looking, say, for toothpaste, you might suggest for him a toothbrush, or shaving cream etc. You get the idea?"

"Of course," the young man said. His first day on the job was rough but he got through it.

After the store was locked up, the manager came down. "How many sales did you make today?

The young man says, "One"

The manager groans, "Just one? Our salespeople average 20 or 30 sales/day. How much was the sale for?"

He says, "£101,237.64."

The manager exclaims, "What? £101,237.64? What did you sell him?"

"First I sold him a small fishhook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Pajero Sports."

The manager says "You mean a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?!"

"No, no, no, he came in here to buy a box of Tampax for his wife and I say since your weekend's already screwed up you might as well go fishing."

[dollyman]

My wife’s just said she can’t take any more of my laziness.

As soon as my mum comes round to pack my bags, I’m leaving.

[dollyman]

As we can't go Trick or Treating tomorrow my wife told me to get each of our young Daughters a big bag of Pick 'n' Mix from Wilko. Why they'd want an assortment of nuts, bolts, washers, screws and hooks I have no idea but she thinks it'll make them happy.

[dollyman]

I bought fifty boxes of Oxo and bovril cubes today.
Might as well stockpile like everyone else.

[dollyman]

Just been offered a job as a Noise Pollution Officer...

But I had to turn it down.

[dollyman]

Can’t believe I got fired on my very first day as a signwirter.

[Carledo]

Can’t believe I got fired on my very first day as a signwirter.

I got fired my first day as a tattoo artist for the same reseon!

Steve

[soe8m]

Three men walked into a pub. Those were the days..

[dollyman]

I won a ticket to a celebrity livestock auction not long ago, anyway I bought a lovely little lamb as a pet for my daughter. As I was looking around with it under my arm I couldn't believe I saw Boris Johnson talking to Joaquin Phoenix, turned out to be quite sociable chaps so I pushed my luck and asked for a picture to which they agreed. I couldn't believe it, there I was, clown to the left of me, joker to the right, there I was stuck in the middle with ewe.

[dollyman]

BBC: Instead of culling or changing anything that might slightly offend anyone, why not cull the thing that offends everyone?

The licence.

[dollyman]

I asked the estate agent if he had any bungalows in my price range. He said he only had houses.
But that's another story.

[dollyman]

My new stopwatch is brilliant, it can go from 0-60 in a minute.

[dollyman]

N V B K I T H E K L O P F I N V E N T O R Z S F O F T H E E F G H J I O L P L Y Q W O R D S E A R C H H A S J P O D I E D G W

[dollyman]

There wasn't this much fuss when Pfizer marketed Viagra was there? Although a of of women took it very hard.

[dollyman]

I offered Bonnie Tyler a Quality Street earlier but she declined. She said she was holding out for a Hero.