The Triumph Dolomite Club - Discussion Forum

My Wife gave me an envelope on which was written
"Not to be opened until 2024 ".
Inside was a list of reasons why I couldn't be trusted to carry out simple instructions.

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My son came running in to me shouting "dad, there's a man at the door with a bill". Imagine my surprise when I found it was just a duck in a bowler hat.

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Irish Medical Dictionary. Please discuss.

Artery: The study of paintings.

Bacteria: Back door to cafeteria.

Barium: What you do when patients die.

Benign: What you be, after you be eight.

Caesarean Section: A neighbourhood in Rome.

Catscan: Searching for Kitty.

Cauterize: Made eye contact with her.

Colic: A sheep dog.

Coma: A punctuation mark.

Dilate: To live long.

Enema: Not a friend.

Fester: Quicker than someone else.

Fibula: A small lie. Impotent:

Distinguished, well known.

Labour Pain: Getting hurt at work.

Medical Staff: A Doctor's cane.

Morbid: A higher offer.

Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates.

Node: I knew it.

Outpatient: A person who has fainted.

Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis.

Post Operative: A letter carrier.

Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery.

Rectum: Nearly killed him.

Secretion: Hiding something.

Seizure: Roman emperor.

Tablet: A small table.

Terminal Illness: Getting sick at the airport.

Tumour: One plus one more.

Urine: Opposite of you're out!!..

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I interviewed two young girls to be my new secretary. One, Rachel, had a huge amount of experience and qualifications just what I was looking for. Very plain looking though.
The second, Julie was so pretty, but nowhere near as well qualified. Long story short, Julie got the job and I'm being sued for Rachel discrimination.

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I was chatting to the dentist. "What's the best toothpaste?" I asked him.
"Colgate," he said. "It kills 99.9% of bacteria in your mouth."
"So what about Colgate Sensitive?"
"It kills the same amount," he explained, "but it doesn't hurt their feelings."

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I've just bought some state of the art garden shears. They're the latest in cutting hedge technology.

My uncle went in a shop to buy a dozen bees for his hive, when he got home he counted them up and there were 13. Being an honest man he rang the shop keeper up to tell him . The shop keeper said "It's fine I added one extra, it's a freebee."

Quasimodo goes into a Savile Row tailors shop and asks "Do you have a suit that will fit me"? The Tailor replies "If we have, some twat's going to get the sack"

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They get worse!

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Sprintless for the first time in 35+ years.

2007 Porsche Boxster S




You can't start a sentence with 'And'.

Grammar:
The difference between knowing your sh#t and knowing you're sh#t.

Schedule: Pronounced "Shedule" not "Skedule"!

Never mind Mart, try these

I was standing in line, waiting to get my hair cut, when I realised that nobody had even started a fire yet. I thought, "This is a crap barber queue."

If you mix Colin the Caterpillar cakes and Cuthbert the caterpillar cakes in a bowl ...weeks later you get Butterfly cakes

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